Sunday, July 20, 2008
As I was doing my appointed rounds yesterday morning - marking territory, terrorizing the weak and the inferior - I happened upon some strange scratchings on the sidewalk. As i investigated more closely, their meaning became clear to me. Apparently, some of the local hominids have decided to praise me by creating crude likenesses of me on the ground. While they are not the cave paintings of Lascaux or the petroglyphs of Chaco Canyon, but hey: they'll do man!
P.S. Just because you're a narcissist, it doesn't mean that people aren't drawing pictures of you!
Monday, July 14, 2008
So my Monkey-Person took me for an afternoon walk in Frick Park. To get to the stream where the succulent ducks normally loiter, I had to walk on narrow trail that cut through the high grasses of the stream bank. Along the way, I paused when the Great Ape God bathed me in heavenly light and asked me for my thoughts on the Anglican Church crisis. (I don't even know what an "Anglican" is. Are they water fowl? Or fish?) Well, I got bored with that conversation pretty fast, so I cooled my girth in the creek. Then I walked around, looking for some ducks. There weren't any. I was soo bored by that point, I didn't even feel like pooping. What a lame-o trip to the park!
I give this walk a C-.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I have just received some very disturbing news from my monkey-person. Apparently, just when I should start enjoying the climate of Western Pennsylvania, he proposes to relocate our den to West Texas . . . Unbelievable!
Perhaps it is time for this hound to explore free-agency. So for all of you who live north of 40 degrees latitude, please answer my cry for help!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I cannot see a stage without centering myself upon it. This is only the natural position for your Pack Leader to take. Unfortunately, most of you weren't around to hear my speech that immediately followed the taking of this photograph. So for your benefit, I will summarize remarks here: I'm in charge!