Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Back to North Georgia?

If it had stayed unseasonably warm one more day in Pittsburgh, I might have gone through with it. The food is better down there; the woods are thicker. And, heck, I probably still have brothers and sisters living near the banks of the Oconee river. Surely they miss their Alpha litter-mate?


Monday, October 1, 2007

The Great Chain of Hallie

I am so sick of being pestered by questions regarding my views on "democracy"! So let me explain the nature of things one more time. The world is like a Great Chain of Being . . .

As Pack Leader, I reign Supreme above all others, monkey-person, or no. Then come those closest to me (if you have pledged your fealty to me, that means you!).

Then comes anyone with food.

Then comes anyone with a car.

If you have pledged your fealty to me, feed me and drive me around, then your status in the pack hierarchy is High.

If you haven't pledged your fealty to me, nor fed me, nor driven me around recently, you are on something I like to call my "Shit List."

Then there come the many sub-basements of my realm. For example, the squirrel, the rabbit, the small child on a bicycle. All of these, I hope to eat one day - for the Greater Glory of my Girth.

Finally, in the darkest defecatory bower of the Earth, I cast mine enemies: the Pit Bull who took a bite out of my ass last year; Cheyenne, the grey mongrel who lives around the corner; and, last but not least, Ann Coulter. These would not even be fit for me to eat (so there would be more for you the night I catch any one of them).

Note well: There is no place on this chart for electoral colleges, referendums, Parliaments, Soviets, Loya Jirgas or town hall meetings. Submit to your Pack Leader and Live. That is my only political philosophy - and my message of Hope. Or else.