Sunday, August 26, 2007

I Love the Life of Action

With my keen sense of smell afforded by my large, black button nose, and my hawk-like sight, I spied the squirrel . . . Sure, I took my time tracking it . . . plotting the best possible line of attack . . . and feeling the hunger for rodent meat rise in my throat. Then POW!!! I was off like a shot! (For the sake of decency, I cropped this video short of it's tragic conclusion.) Hallie

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Proof I Can Swim

Statement Regarding Michael Vick

I have been reserving judgment on Michael Vick until the details of his plea agreement were filed in court. I have now had an opportunity to "read" these documents carefully, after a fashion, and have decided to ban Vick from the NFL indefinitely, without meat. I have also directed the federal judge in this case to consider creative sentencing procedures. For example, according to the laws of the monkey-people community in which I reside, my poop must be picked up and properly disposed of everyday . . . And I make a lot of poop, man! Hallie

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Bourbon Bottle Label Art for Sale

I'm tired of having no independent source of cash. Thus, I have fashioned a painting of me sniffing a bourbon bottle cap with my lusty approval. For the right price, this label art could be yours! Contact me for further details. Hallie

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Sunday Speaking Engagement

A Treat from God

Although I've always thought of myself as a convinced Animist, a different theological system intruded itself upon me today. I was hot on the heels of a chipmunk. After the rodent did the cowardly thing and disappeared into a hole, I decided to cool my girth in a nearby stream. And that's when it happened. The Heavens opened up, light shone forth, and the biggest monkey-person paw I've ever seen lowered itself through the clouds and offered me a treat. I accepted it (with appropriate dignity), then chased a bird bathing itself a little further down the creek. Later, I passed out in front of a fan in the living room. I give this walk an A/A-. Hallie

Monday, August 13, 2007

Hurricane Hallie

Hallie formed from an elongated cold-core circulation north of Puerto Rico that organized enough to be called a subtropical depression on October 12, 1970. The next day it reached storm intensity, and after a drift to the west, reached hurricane intensity on the 16th. On the 16th it passed by Bermuda, but damage was minimal. Baroclinic processes let the storm reach a peak of 100 mph winds before becoming extratropical on the 17th.

Advice for Cleo

Dear Cleo, You are the very picture of calm submission! I know it suits you. Indeed, even as you pose in a landscape of rim rock and red Navajo sandstone -a setting that would awaken the feral hound within most of us - you still wear your leash proudly, like an item of classical adornment. I know: every once in a while, you leave me a note suggesting that you'd like for me to teach you how to display more dominance. But grrlfriend! Make peace with yourself. Accept who you are. And serve your God Frank well. And besides, anyone can see how well-fed he keeps you! Hallie

Thursday, August 9, 2007

A Reckoning, Part II

I know it's hot. It's too hot. It's DAMN HOT. But do I deserve a coiffure as amateurish as the one I just got? I look like a hyena sneaking into a refugee camp! Someone may have to die . . . Hallie

A Reckoning

I spend weeks gathering and collecting fascinating scents with which to glorify my coat of fur . . . and then, whammo! Back to square one. So if you are reading this, my monkey-person, there WILL be a reckoning. Hallie

Friday, August 3, 2007

On Occasion . . .

True, my personality is typically defined by an attitude of DOMINANCE. But being part Golden Retriever, sometimes, well . . . even I choose to taste the guilty pleasures of calm submission. Don't be mistaken, though. Minutes after this photograph was taken, the hand you see was bleeding. Hallie