My Monkey-Mom

Even with the limitations of this photograph, you can see how massive her head is. It helps encase what are A LOT of teeth. Since this happens to be a quality we share, I have to admit, I retain a certain amount of respect for her power. But submission? Jamais! Just see how I shake down some beach schmucks while all she can do is look on, helplessly. Hallie

The Green, Green Grass of Home

I Love the Life of Action

With my keen sense of smell afforded by my large, black button nose, and my hawk-like sight, I spied the squirrel . . . Sure, I took my time tracking it . . . plotting the best possible line of attack . . . and feeling the hunger for rodent meat rise in my throat. Then POW!!! I was off like a shot! (For the sake of decency, I cropped this video short of it's tragic conclusion.) Hallie

Proof I Can Swim

Statement Regarding Michael Vick

I have been reserving judgment on Michael Vick until the details of his plea agreement were filed in court. I have now had an opportunity to "read" these documents carefully, after a fashion, and have decided to ban Vick from the NFL indefinitely, without meat. I have also directed the federal judge in this case to consider creative sentencing procedures. For example, according to the laws of the monkey-people community in which I reside, my poop must be picked up and properly disposed of everyday . . . And I make a lot of poop, man! Hallie

Bourbon Bottle Label Art for Sale

I'm tired of having no independent source of cash. Thus, I have fashioned a painting of me sniffing a bourbon bottle cap with my lusty approval. For the right price, this label art could be yours! Contact me for further details. Hallie

Scholar Hound