Sunday, March 4, 2007

Part Golden, Part Chow (The War Within)

My litter was the first of the North Georgia Mini-Retriever breed. The Powers chose our ancestors carefully: Golden Retrievers on one side, and the Chow Chow on the other. By appearance alone, it is clear to me that I embody a new Master Race. The readiness with which everyone accepts my leadership, my generous girth and my glorious pantaloons all attest to this fact.

But there is a high price to pay for outer perfection: the struggle in my soul between the friendly, out-going and playful Golden Retriever and the more demonic impulses to intimidate and put the "smack down" on everybody else that arises from my Chow Chow nature. Which side to choose? Sometimes, it is SO hard to decide. Excitedly wag my tail or lunge for the jugular? Like I said, hard. And my breeding affords me no middle ground.

When I am just waking up, desirous of feasting, or settling down for sleep, I will usually indulge the Golden angels of my psyche. Kisses, sitting cutely in a mock display of submission and, even the occasional flop on the back for a belly rub are the order of the day. However, when I am wide awake, satiated or unfulfilled for a prolonged time, or simply bored, I like to threaten others with imminent death and dismemberment. For example, just like I said to Chaya the other day, a dog that lives around the corner from me: "I am going to kill you."

At the end of the day, when I am performing my Alpha duty of separating myself from the pack and preparing to sleep alone on the couch, overlooking everything, I sometimes like to think that my heart belongs to the Golden Retrievers . But once I sleep and slip into the snowy forests of dream, the running down and decapitation of squirrels begins! Hallie

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